Kristina's Family and Friends

Kathy's Memories

My favorite memory? … all I have are memories now, so they are ALL treasured. I’ve filled our house with pictures of Kristina and our family, trying to recapture every holiday, vacation, and special moment. I loved to watch Kristina swim in the ocean. I use to say she was part fish. I swear she spent more time under the water than on top of it. She was fearless. At age 1 1/2 she would do the “Nestea Plunge” backwards into the pool. By age 3 she could hold her breath so we could go under the crashing waves. Starting with our very first vacation, Kristina’s Dad would lift her over his head and let her fall into the pool or dive into the waves in the ocean (they loved being the furthest ones out.). Then it became a 3-man totem pole when Steven joined in. It was a joy to snap pictures of them laughing and splashing together! After Kristina’s cancer diagnosis in October 1997, having a central line prevented her from being allowed to swim. For Kristina, I think that was what she hated most about having cancer. As soon as she was finished with all her chemotherapy and the line came out we went on the Disney Cruise. The first thing she did was go swimming! Watching her swim with the dolphins in the Florida Keys was an amazing sight.
	Kristina was a performer. She loved to sing and dance. She was her Dad's "Ballerina Girl". She could sit for hours as a toddler watching her Disney Sing-a-long videos. Kristina loved music. Her Elvis impression could break up a room full of people in an instant. Sundays at church she would stand with her hymnal in her hand belting out all our favorite traditional hymns. We loved singing Donut Man songs in the car and at Christmas time we would ride around the neighborhood looking at the decorations and singing Christmas Carols. During the summer you could always find Kristina with her Aunt Sue …cruising in her Mitsubishi Eclipse and singing Madonna songs. As a preteen she was wild for N-Sync and the Back Street Boys. She knew every word to every song.
I guess the thing I remember most about Kristina was her smile. I don’t think we have a picture of her without one. Even through all the chemotherapy, radiation, and surgeries she still always had a smile on her face – one of those ear to ear grins … like the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. Bald and smiling, that was Kristina. Her smile could light up a room. It certainly lit up my life.
So how do I cope with losing a child? It has been a long journey and some days are better than others. I am in the process of composing my thoughts and feelings about the experience (but I’m not finished, yet). Let me leave you with this poem that gave me much comfort during the first year that Kristina was gone.
	I know you’re feeling sad today, because I had to go. I know you have so many things that remind you of me so. And though you cry as you recall the times you spent with me I know your pain would turn to joy if you could only see… I’m in Heaven with Jesus now, we laugh, we sing, we play… He holds me gently in His arms, I know no pain today. And though we are apart for a little while, Jesus has promised me… He’ll someday bring you here where we’ll live for eternity.

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